I, Claudius....

...hate it when my pastie slips.

I don't know what to Fey...

I am a major fan of the Fey but this cover looks like all those years of pulling jokes out the bag have had a seriously hideous side effect. Either that or I must've missed the 30Rock episode where Liz and Jack have a baby who grows up with Liz's face and Jack's torso.

Great Excretations...

He'd had great expectations when he'd gone to the loo that morning; but sadly he'd been disappointed by a pile of droppings only a rabbit could be proud of.

Young at Heart...

Sure he was also the oldest kid in the neighborhood, but heck age was but a number. Health was what really mattered. Health, water melons and blue polar neck jumpers.

Martha, Martha...

it had been a long day of smiling and head tilting. Martha couldn't wait for the photo shoot be over so she could take a deep, long swig of the blue lagoon cocktail she'd surreptitiously hidden in the spray bottle. Unfortunately vodka gave her the runs, but on the bright side she'd remembered to keep her industrial sized roll of toilet paper close at hand.

It's a dog's life...

Sure, being Lassie wasn't all fun and games, but he had to admit one of the main perks was how easy it was to pick up chicks.

The Company She Keeps...

She called it leading a colourful social life. Her parents and the doctors called it Schizophrenia.

Plastic Fantastic

Not the boobs! Please not the boobs! I've just had them done! Rather take my head off!

The Joke...

When he looked back at his years working in the factory that made wallpaper out of old letters to sell in overpriced decor stores, he still felt hurt and confused as to why his colleagues always suggested a game of hide and seek at 5pm on Friday afternoons, only to all leave the building before he'd even gotten to "nine Mississippi..." It wasn't very funny.

Trans...vest-tight?

Guy dressed up as one of the Village People: Ahoy! Oh good, so glad you got the memo!

Guy dressed up as John Travolta in the Saturday Night Fever years: Ahoy! What memo?

Guy dressed up as one of the Village People: The "Cheezy Disco Dress Up"...oh! Never mind.

Guy dressed up as John Travolta in the Saturday Night Fever years: What? I thought the invite said "formal?"

Guy dressed up as one of the Village People:...so you came in a skin tight black jumpsuit?

Guy dressed up as John Travolta in the Saturday Night Fever years: What's wrong with that? Do you know nothing? Jumpsuits are so making a come back.

Guy dressed up as one of the Village People: Amongst Tyra Banks and the female cast of the remake of 90210, maybe. But not beyond that misguided clique.

Guy dressed up as John Travolta in the Saturday Night Fever years: Well, can I come on board or not? I have a hat. And a whip.

Guy dressed up as one of the Village People: Snap! Matching whips! Okay, but only because we're an "A" short for our "YMCA" number.

All men found Letia alluring...

Even her husband. Which was surprising, considering he was a raging homosexual.

Don't Tell Alfred...

...that I forgot to put my pants on this morning so I had to crop this photo before sending it to him.

I was a dancer...

Now I'm just an akwardly positioned shop maniquin.

Improve your cricket...

The batsman wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit him.

Henry's new hat...

Is it a sausage? Is it a pillow? Henry asked himself as he poked it tentatively with his tiny dagger. He wasn't sure but it was on sale and it came with a free mug of beer. Besides, everyone said red suited his skin tone.

All in a days work...

He carefully read and re-read the memo that HR had sent around. It said office furniture was not to be removed from the building under any circumstances. But it definitely didn't say anything about screws, nuts and bolts. Well that was lucky then.

Lost Decades...

She gave him the silent treatment for a whole week when he lost the housekeys. He shuddered to think how she would react when he told her about the decades. It was going to be a quiet festive season.

If Covers Could Talk Goes on Holiday....

Adios amigos! Covers is reading it up on a beach for a week.

Kill now, pay later...

No one can accuse gangsters of unfair payment terms.

Is honesty the best policy?

If I loved you, I would tell you this... I have a very long tape worm inside of me. It may be contageous. But seeing as I don't love you, I'm gonna keep it to myself and hope for the best.