Monday, August 30, 2010
Woah Boy....
She'd suspected for some time that his monthly mountain retreats involved more than just quiet meditation. But what really disturbed her was that she couldn't be bothered to confront him about it. She didn't want to lose her one weekend a month where she could watch Gilmore Girls instead of Brokeback Mountain.
Mansfield Lark....
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Watt the hell...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Seeing red...
Hitler: I said I’m not going.
Shadowy Figure: But Sir, it is in your honour.
Hitler: I don’t care. I can’t leave the house. Have you seen the size of this pimple? It’s bigger than the last country I occupied. No, I won’t go.
Shadowy Figure: But who will judge the Sauerkraut competition?
Hitler: Don’t know.
Shadowy Figure: What about all that Wiener Schnitzel? It won’t just eat itself you know.
Hitler: Don’t care.
Shadowy Figure: Did I mention David Hasselhoff is going to be there?
Hitler: AARRRG! No you did NOT mention that. What to do! WHAT TO DO!
Shadowy Figure: What if you pulled your hat down a bit further Fuhrer?
Hitler: Do you THINK I hadn’t THOUGHT of that? It WON’T GO any further you moron!
Shadowy Figure: Um, I guess too late to grow sideburns to hide it. Hmm… balaclava?
Hitler: MORON! And hide my moustache? Who are you, you MORON!
Shadowy Figure: And…if we cut a little hole for the moustache?
Hitler: Little? LITTLE???
Shadowy Figure: Big and impressive! What if we cut a big and impressive hole for your big and impressive moustache?
Hitler: I guess it could be done. Right. We’re in business. Get me a balaclava. And hurry. I heard Hasselhoff leaves at 2:00 sharp. I’ll kill you if we miss him.
A bird overheard...
Tape Two...
Friday, August 20, 2010
I'll be honest Benjamin....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Hardly Boys...
Frank: Ok, I think it’s time for a plan B.
Joe: Great. Let’s hear it.
Frank: Um, It’s so your turn to come up with a plan B.
Joe: Since when? Do I seriously have to do everything around here?
Frank: Everything? What? Besides posing with Jazz hands against that tree, what else have you done of note lately?
Joe: I came up with our casual-yet-stylish-yet-matching-yet-not-matching look. So….Booya. It’s your turn to have a good idea.
Frank: Since when is wearing a RED jersey when our very lives could depend on not being spotted a good idea? Since WHEN?
Joe: Donno. That’s why I’m wearing the blue one.
Frank: Look. Joe. If you spent half as much time thinking about the case at hand as you did parting your hair, I swear, we’d be in that tower and have our hands on the treasure by now.
Joe: Do you think my hair falls naturally like this? Do you? Maybe your follicles fall like that naturally, but mine don’t. Mine need a bit more persuasion. And if you ask me, it’s time well spent.
Frank: You know what would be time well spent? Investing in a real gun so I don’t have to hold my hand like this, I get cramp and we’re fooling no one.
Joe: Violence doesn’t solve anything Frank.
Frank: And Jazz hands do?
Joe: Finally. Finally we’re on the same page. I love you man.
Frank was starting to wish he'd chosen a more comfortable branch...
Friday, August 13, 2010
Are you there God?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
What comes to mind when I say "Hercule Poirot?"
Publisher One: Murder Mystery, moustaches, poison, guns, kidnapping. You?
Publisher Two: Clowns.
Publisher One: Are you serious?
Publisher Two: Yes. Very. Clowns are the scariest thing I can think of.
Publisher One: I'm not convinced. I think we should rather go for something like a
pair of handcuffs.
Publisher Two: Booring. Let's go with a clown. A sad one wearing a red swimming cap.
Publisher One: I...I don't know what to say. Are you serious?
Publisher Two: Ok. Let's do both. Let's have a sad clown sitting on top of a giant
pair of handcuffs. Happy?
Publisher One: I... guess.
Publisher Two: Good.
Monday, August 2, 2010
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