If Covers Could Talk Goes on Holiday....

Adios amigos! Covers is reading it up on a beach for a week.

Kill now, pay later...

No one can accuse gangsters of unfair payment terms.

Is honesty the best policy?

If I loved you, I would tell you this... I have a very long tape worm inside of me. It may be contageous. But seeing as I don't love you, I'm gonna keep it to myself and hope for the best.

A promise is a promise...

Whatever it takes...to get Grandpappy to pay for the family trip to McDonalds. Even if it means picking him up out of his rocking chair and carrying him there.

To PDA or not to PDA...

OMG! I'm stoned not deaf! Kiss quietly or get a room would you!

Designer's Block...

It was his last, last chance...to try and get the cut n paste bits to match up.

Phallic Friday...

They might not have backbones... but they certainly don't seem to be competely bone free.

The last man on the mountain...

He must have been hallucinating because he was fairly certain he could see three other people just ahead of him. Perhaps they were women. That would explain it

Bird's eye view...

Sure, it was quite nippy out, even spies feel the cold, and yes, that was one reason he'd decided to come in. But if he was honest it was mainly because of the birds. He had a thing about birds.

Shop til you drop...

Nothing bad ever happens in Tiffany’s. Except for that one time the lower half of a female corpse was found in the earrings and pendants section.

Flakey relationship...

She asked for the key to his heart. He gave her the keys to all his ex-girlfriend's appartments. He thought it was funny. Turns out he was wrong.

Monday Foreign Fun....

Honey, is that a teeny tiny gun in your hand, or are you just not that excited to see me?

The line between Awesome and Arse is a fine one...

Photographer: Right, so everyone look natural. On the count of three. One, two…

Blonde: Quick question. I’m thinking, maybe I should use my hands? If you’re looking for awesome, look no further than my hands.

Photographer: You’re good. Put your hands away. Just look natural, ok.

Blonde: How about I do this? This kind of rolling action where I put one hand slightly above the other? With the left one casually pointing a finger gun? The universal code for “I understand.” Am I right?

Photographer: That’s exactly what I had in mind when I said look natural.

Blonde: Really?

Photographer: No. Put the hands away. I’m serious. Right, lets wrap this up…

Blonde: Hands have the power to hurt and heal. I want to show how mine
are here for healing. That’s awesome. I will never understand how people would choose to use them to hurt…

Photographer: I’m starting to understand. Ready everyone? Smile on one, two…

Blonde: Woah! Smile? Smiling is cool. But this is about being awesome, right? How about I half open my mouth like this? Like I’m about to impart some awesome wisdom to my peers?

Photographer: (Tearing out his hair). Fabulous. Awesome.

Blonde: Easy on the eyes huh? That’s what I’m talking about!

Photographer: (Gouging out his own eyes) Everyone say CHEESE!

Blonde: Cheese? How about we say an affirming word like, “Success!” Or “Aspiration!” Or…

Photographer: (Throwing himself in front of a moving vehicle) AAARRRRGGGHHHhhhhhhhhhh…………

Friday Celeb Lookalike...

What do Martin Amis and Amy Winehouse have in common? Money, apparently.

Bored Stiff...

He double checked. She definitely had no pulse. Oh shit. Previous dates had told him he wasn’t such a great conversationalist, but this was the first time he had actually bored someone to death.

The artist had been painting for three days now...

And she hasn’t heard a single rustle from the cage. She didn’t know what he’d done to her parakeet to keep it so still. She was afraid to look.

That don't impress me much...

Finally she had found a use for his hideous cowboy boots which didn't involve him singing Shania Twain in seedy karaoke bars.

She had double checked and it wasn't her...

But someone nearby had definitely trodden in dog poo.

Monday Foreign Fun....

Strangely enough it wasn’t his Michael Jackson gloves which made her snap. It was his insistence that they play Tarzan and Jane. Again. The ivy bodysuit had itched it's last.

Friday Celeb Lookalike...

Of Mice and Men... Staring one of the Hairy Bikers.

Parenting 101...

"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's on fire!"

"Shut up and pass the marshmallows."

1001 Arabian Nights...

Come back here you good for nothing genie...I said I want to look like Brian McFadden...Not that guy from Aladdin.

Rubadubdub...

The Candlestick Maker had had enough of the Butcher and the Baker's childish Cluedo jokes.

Rugger Bugger...

He clung on for dear life, pretending he hadn't heard the whistle. He had been waiting for this moment for so long... nothing was going to take it from him.