Woah Boy....

She'd suspected for some time that his monthly mountain retreats involved more than just quiet meditation. But what really disturbed her was that she couldn't be bothered to confront him about it. She didn't want to lose her one weekend a month where she could watch Gilmore Girls instead of Brokeback Mountain.

Mansfield Lark....

Fanny Price had kept her flower under lock and key for long enough now. It was time to let lose. It was time for reckless abandon.

No one knew better...

...than Lord Sebastian Flyte just how difficult it was to get a head in this game.

Watt the hell...

Luggage: Check
Passport: Check
Tickets: Check
Extension cord: Check.

The Traveling Light was ready to hit the road.

Friday Celeb Lookalike...

It's a Brave New World...Staring Katy Perry. Wrapped in candy floss (of course).

Seeing red...

Hitler: I said I’m not going.

Shadowy Figure: But Sir, it is in your honour.

Hitler: I don’t care. I can’t leave the house. Have you seen the size of this pimple? It’s bigger than the last country I occupied. No, I won’t go.

Shadowy Figure: But who will judge the Sauerkraut competition?

Hitler: Don’t know.

Shadowy Figure: What about all that Wiener Schnitzel? It won’t just eat itself you know.

Hitler: Don’t care.

Shadowy Figure: Did I mention David Hasselhoff is going to be there?

Hitler: AARRRG! No you did NOT mention that. What to do! WHAT TO DO!

Shadowy Figure: What if you pulled your hat down a bit further Fuhrer?

Hitler: Do you THINK I hadn’t THOUGHT of that? It WON’T GO any further you moron!

Shadowy Figure: Um, I guess too late to grow sideburns to hide it. Hmm… balaclava?

Hitler: MORON! And hide my moustache? Who are you, you MORON!

Shadowy Figure: And…if we cut a little hole for the moustache?

Hitler: Little? LITTLE???

Shadowy Figure: Big and impressive! What if we cut a big and impressive hole for your big and impressive moustache?

Hitler: I guess it could be done. Right. We’re in business. Get me a balaclava. And hurry. I heard Hasselhoff leaves at 2:00 sharp. I’ll kill you if we miss him.

A bird overheard...

The small penguin ignored the pain in his neck. He feared his life was in danger and he couldn’t look away. He would never, ever forgive the publishers for not printing him and the eagle to scale. At least then he would have stood a fighting chance.

It's called irony...

Get it?

Tape Two...

Miranda saw her subordinates gaze drift downwards. Then their mouths fell open. Damn. It must be back. She knew all slimming tablets had side effects but this was ridiculous. Luckily she was excellent at worming her way out of awkward situations.

I'll be honest Benjamin....

I think this whole "pretending to be a baby" fetish is more than curious. I'd say "borderline disturbing" is closer to the truth.

The Hardly Boys...

Frank: Ok, I think it’s time for a plan B.

Joe: Great. Let’s hear it.

Frank: Um, It’s so your turn to come up with a plan B.

Joe: Since when? Do I seriously have to do everything around here?

Frank: Everything? What? Besides posing with Jazz hands against that tree, what else have you done of note lately?

Joe: I came up with our casual-yet-stylish-yet-matching-yet-not-matching look. So….Booya. It’s your turn to have a good idea.

Frank: Since when is wearing a RED jersey when our very lives could depend on not being spotted a good idea? Since WHEN?

Joe: Donno. That’s why I’m wearing the blue one.

Frank: Look. Joe. If you spent half as much time thinking about the case at hand as you did parting your hair, I swear, we’d be in that tower and have our hands on the treasure by now.

Joe: Do you think my hair falls naturally like this? Do you? Maybe your follicles fall like that naturally, but mine don’t. Mine need a bit more persuasion. And if you ask me, it’s time well spent.

Frank: You know what would be time well spent? Investing in a real gun so I don’t have to hold my hand like this, I get cramp and we’re fooling no one.

Joe: Violence doesn’t solve anything Frank.

Frank: And Jazz hands do?

Joe: Finally. Finally we’re on the same page. I love you man.

Frank was starting to wish he'd chosen a more comfortable branch...

At the time he'd figured he'd only be there a few minutes. But turns out Joe wasn't that good at finding.

Are you there God?

It's me. Margaret's bra. Listen, she needs a bit of support at the moment. More than I can offer her. Do you think you could sort something out?

1984...

This time staring Gollum from Lord of the rings. Fixing a train. At night.

1984...

Staring the gimp from Pulp Fiction.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to strange body parts...

First Up: The bum-hand

What comes to mind when I say "Hercule Poirot?"

Publisher One: Murder Mystery, moustaches, poison, guns, kidnapping. You?

Publisher Two: Clowns.

Publisher One: Are you serious?

Publisher Two: Yes. Very. Clowns are the scariest thing I can think of.

Publisher One: I'm not convinced. I think we should rather go for something like a
pair of handcuffs.

Publisher Two: Booring. Let's go with a clown. A sad one wearing a red swimming cap.

Publisher One: I...I don't know what to say. Are you serious?

Publisher Two: Ok. Let's do both. Let's have a sad clown sitting on top of a giant
pair of handcuffs. Happy?

Publisher One: I... guess.

Publisher Two: Good.

Tiffany knew diamonds were forever...

But unfortunately for her, so were tattoos.

Anne didn't want to ruin it for the other four...

But they’d been staring at the ocean for over an hour now and it just wasn’t fun anymore.